My full time gig (other then being an amazing wife and totally cool mom) is being employed as a Flight Attendant. The majority of the time this is “the” most awesomest job ever but, sometimes you find yourself shaking your head at the human race.  I truly don’t think people have any intentions of travelling and trying to piss off their Flight Attendant or seat mate (well for most people anyway) but rather they are just oblivious to airplane common sense.
I’ve been working a crazy amount lately and thought maybe it would be advantageous to compile a little list of some of the most irksome things that always seem to happen, in hopes that maybe one day the list will make the rounds and then everyone will live gloriously ever after including your Flight Attendants.

#1 – Manners…… These will go a long way for you in any situation. Getting on the plane for instance. See the Flight Attendant standing at the door saying hi to EVERYONE? Yes, that’s right even to you. Please don’t just stare at us and keep walking. This applies to humans of every age…..teach your children to reply back when someone speaks to them. This tip also applies in reverse….when you get off the plane, please say goodbye.

#2 – Luggage….. So you are bringing your rolling bag onto the aircraft, that’s great, however….. Is it heavy? Can you lift it by yourself into the overhead bin? Did you pack your rock collection? (true story, an elderly lady packed her huge-normous rock collection to bring with her on a flight). If you can not lift it, chances are neither can your Flight Attendant and you should really be checking it in.  On the topic of luggage…..so, you successfully got your bag into the bin but you can’t close it?   If it’s hanging off the edge because it’s too large the bin will not magically close once a Flight Attendant touches it.  We are magical but we aren’t that good. So please check those in too.

#3 – Safety issues…. When your Flight Attendant asks that you fasten your seatbelt or ensuring your luggage is under the seat, we aren’t doing this just to annoy you. There are times when things need to be done and arguing with your Flight Attendant about having to do them just makes us uncomfortable, as well as those around you. We don’t purposely want to make your life miserable, we are just doing our jobs so please refrain from shooting the messenger.

#4 – Garbage…… So you have some garbage? You see your Flight Attendant serving drinks and think this is the best time to hand us your waste….well no it is not. You see we have insured the cleanliness of our self and our cart so taking your dirty garbage with our bare hands and then having to serve the person next to you would just be gross, not to mention we have no where to put it. Also, when you are in the lavatory the best place for your used tissues and hand towels would be best deposited in the bin marked “trash”. Not the one that is for toilet seat covers, tissue boxes or left on the counter. Nothing is more unsettling then reaching for a tissue and feeling something squishy and wet.

#5 – FA Galleys….. These are our offices (so to speak). We understand you need to get up and stretch your legs, we don’t deny that, however please be aware that the galleys are not the best place for your airplane yoga. When you come into the galley and ask “oh may I stand here” and we tell you no, we are not doing it to be rude, we have work to do and moving around you while you stretch your legs or bounce your baby is not fun. So please just don’t. Same goes for waiting for the lavatory….just stand in the aisle and wait. Nothing is worse then trying to catch a bite to eat in your jumpseat and you have someone’s butt in your face.

#6 – Food…. Yes we serve food. Please do not count on the fact the a) we will have exactly what you desire and b) there will be enough for everybody. Unfortunately sometimes we sell out by the time we get to you so if you have a condition such as diabetes please plan in advance. Also when you see your flight attendant chowing down on some delightful looking food, please be aware that we are often on the road up to 5 or 6 days at a time and these meals are prepped waaaaaay in advance, so if we leave our galley to do something this is not the time to help yourself to our food on the counter. Nor is it cool if you see a water bottle sitting there to take a sip….chances are this is “our” personal water and we have now swapped spit.

#7 – Babies…. Yes, babies fly too. Yes, babies tend to cry. You expressing loudly that you wish they would be quiet or you need another seat is unacceptable and down right rude. Not only do you make the mother feel horrible and uncomfortable, but you are making sure that your flight attendant will not go out of their way for you. Have some common sense and realize that the mother is doing all she can and really at one time we were all babies. Have some compassion.

#8 – Bonus tips…..

1. Don’t change your babies on the seat.
2. Refrain from poking us in the ass if you need something.
3. Don’t ask us to tell the person in front of you to bring their seat forward.
4. Remove your headphones when you talk to us.
5. Seatbelt signs on?  Chances are you should be seated.
6. Don’t be an armrest hog.
7. Bringing your children?  Pack things to entertain them.

Last but not least….just be nice. You’d be surprised what a smile, a thank you and even a little conversation will do. When you connect on a personal level with your flight attendant I can tell you that we really enjoy that and you may just end up with some complimentary goodies or a more comfortable seat.

Have you flown lately and you think there’s something I’ve missed?  Add it below 😃.